my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
