he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
