happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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