I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
