We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
