we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
