Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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