I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Congratulations! We have a period
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