My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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