your parents love me but you hate me
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
