i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
