Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
