a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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