Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
