thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
