I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
