If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
