Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
