4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
