I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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