I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
