When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
