just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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