...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
