Your tits are I can't wait for
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
