he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
