Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
