Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
