its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How does one acquire holy water?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
