that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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