I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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