Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
