I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's just like the Real World with babies
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
