i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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