i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
