I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
When are your genitals available?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
