How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
