Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
