this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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