If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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