bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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