He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
