Are we in a gay sports bar?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
