Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
