i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
