i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
