Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
