If i come over, it means nothing
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
