He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Can i not drive my cunt home
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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