Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
