I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
All the doctor said was why
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
