sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
