Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
