And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize