A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
